


Baby Then You're In Luck

by astromirage



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Diners, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Drama, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei Friendship, Homophobia, Kei Tsukishima is gay, Kei and Tadashi are easy to fall in love, M/M, Nipple Piercings, Piercings, Punk Yamaguchi Tadashi, Sexual Content, Tadashi Yamaguchi is gay, Tadashi is a flirt, Tadashi is super punk and pierced and hot, Tattoos, Timeskip Haikyuu, Tongue Piercings, Tsukishima is easily embarrassed, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24062917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astromirage/pseuds/astromirage
Summary: Kei needs someone to pretend to be his boyfriend. Pierced and tatted Tadashi shows up on his Grindr.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 256





	Baby Then You're In Luck

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by the song 18 by Anarbor

Kei sits on his bed, scrolling through Grindr, just trying to find anyone. He scrolls through profiles of a plethora of shirtless men, noticing a few posing with dogs or with a group of their very possibly very gay friends. None of them exactly being what he was looking for. None of them really causing anything in him. He notices a man, littered with tattoos and piercings, holding a cigarette and smiling at the camera. He feels his stomach stir with an unexpected sexual desire and he clicks on his profile. He swipes through the photos provided, staying put on one photo. The man is sticking his tongue out, drawing attention to his flashy, silver piercing. Kei feels his body burn with arousal, he tries to will away the feeling. He swipes again, the warmth on his face growing exponentially as he stares on at the mans toned abs and his pierced nipples.

'Fuck' he mutters, closing his eyes in some sort of effort to stop the heat from climbing his body. 

'Yamaguchi Tadashi' he notes, after clicking away from the photos trying to satiate his desire, he begins reading his bio. The man lives in the same area as him. He feels his cheeks flush as he presses the chat button. 

tk: _hey_ He types out and sends, laying back in his bed, trying to resist the urge to check his phone. 

A chimes echoes loudly through Kei's silent room, and he sits up quickly, he frantically unlocks his phone. He holds it in both hands, reading the reply intently. 

yt: _hey, what's up? ;)_

Kei feel his spine tingle at the use of the winky face. He takes a nervous breath and starts typing out. 

tk: _i know this is going to sound ridiculous coming from someone who literally just dmed you but i need someone to pretend to be my boyfriend._

A reply comes quick, which doesn't ease Kei's nerves. 

yt: _let me bet, you wanna piss off your parents with a dude that looks like me?_

Kei rubs his eyelids and puts his face in his hands before bringing his head up because his glasses were ramming into his cheeks. 

tk: _i wouldn't put it like that. i just want to take you to a family dinner._

a reply pops up quickly.

yt: _no i get it i get it._

tk: _i will pay you to do this_ Kei types out, biting his lip. 

yt: _damn, you know how to tease a man. yea, i'll do it._

tk: _oh my god thank you._

yt: _when is this dinner?_

tk: _in two weeks, do you want to meet up in the mean time to discuss the details_

yt: _i think i do, tsukki. ;)_

Kei cringes at the nickname and bites the inside of his cheek. 

tk: _here's my number xxx-xxx-xxxx_

yt: _i'll text you tomorrow, go to bed. maybe i'll fall asleep thinking about you ;)_

tk: _shut up._

Kei smiles and throws his phone on his desk chair. He falls asleep quickly, trying not to think about how sickeningly hot the man was. He surely doesn't dream about the man with an undercut and tongue piercing or about how exactly that piercing would feel all over his body. 

He wakes up the next day to a notification from his messaging app. 

un: _hello tsukki ;)_

un: _if you wanted to meet up today that'd work, i get off of work at 6_

Kei saves his number under 'Tadashi' and texts back. 

tk: _i have an off day today so i'll pick you up then, we can go to a bar_

Tadashi reads it right away and sends out a _i love that idea, i'll text you must work address when i get off, see you then ;)_

Kei starts his day with a sleepy cup of coffee, trying to prepare for the day ahead of himself. He lays on his couch and decides to watch television until he wanted to leave to run some errands. He wastes himself away on his cheap couch, watching Netflix shows. He checks his phone, noting the time. He sighs and gets up. He's supposed to meet Hinata at some breakfast place. He gets dressed in some overalls and a black sweater with embroidered stars. He finishes up his routine and leaves his apartment, he closes his door to see Hinata walking up the stairs to meet him at his door. 

"Uh Shoyo?" Kei asks, crossing his arms. 

"Hey Kei!" He runs up to him, as bubbly as ever. 

"I thought we were meeting up at the diner?" he questions, raising an eyebrow. 

"I wanted to surprise you! After all we haven't seen each other in a while!" he smiles, causing Kei to smile a bit as well. 

"Thanks." He follows the shorter as he bounces down the stairs and to his car. 

"Come on!" He jokingly pleads as Tsukishima walks at a reasonable pace. 

"I'm coming, Shoyo, calm down." He complains. 

When he makes it to the car Hinata begins rambling, which Kei has become used to. Nowadays it relaxes him rather than annoys him. He sits back in his seat, letting the man's excited voice to infect the car. 

When they get there Hinata rushes out of the car to open the door for Tsukishima. 

"Uh thanks?" he says questioningly, not used to Hinata being this nice. 

"What's got you in such a good mood shorty?" Kei asks genuinely, getting out and looking down at him. 

"Tobio asked me out yesterday!" He chirps excitedly. 

"Wow, congrats." He pats Shoyo's head and walks into the diner. 

Kei pays attention to the man as he spills all the details on how it happened, quite happy that the two finally got their act together. They sit down in a booth guided by the hostess who is getting them water. 

"What about you Kei?" 

"Hm?" 

"Do you have a special someone?!" 

"It's complicated. Quite complicated."

The hostess sets down their water, "Your waiter will be with you shortly." 

"Thank you!" he turns back to the spectacled man, "Come on, it can't be that complicated."

Kei picks out the lemon from his water and squeezes out the juice. "You'd be surprised." he mutters, sipping his water. 

"Then talk to me about it!" He chuckles. 

Kei's face turns a deep shade of red and remembers the burning arousal he felt last night, the tongue piercing that he fantasized about as he slept. 

"Kei, you're blushing really bad." Hinata giggles. 

He gulps down more water, trying to get his blush under control. "It's this dude." He mumbles out, fiddling with his straw. 

"Ooohhh." he smiles and looks at Kei with a suggestive glint in his eyes. 

"The complicated part is that I kinda paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend." 

"Kei." He says, disappointment dripping from the single word. 

"It's not just because, it's for my family dinner, I really hate my relatives and they're really homophobic and they keep bugging me about getting a girlfriend and marrying her and-" 

"I get it, the real question here is, is he hot?" 

Kei lowers his voice and leans forward "So hot." 

"Nice score!" 

Kei takes a long sip of his water and rolls his eyes. "It's not a score if we haven't even met, let alone fucked." 

Hinata nods, realizing that his friend has made a good point. Tsukishima looks down at his hands, he begins fiddling with his thumbs. 

"Well, maybe after the dinner you guys can actually date." Hinata adds, ever the optimist. 

Kei hums in agreement, drinking more of his slightly lemon water. The waiter walks up to the table and Kei meets his eyes, only to choke. 

"What's up, my names Tadashi and I'll be your waiter today." he winks directly at Kei. 

Tsukishima coughs frantically, pounding a fist on his chest. His glasses slip down his nose in his stupor. 

Tadashi sets down the menus and smiles, "Can I get you guys anything to drink?" 

Hinata who was entirely focused on his friend, seemingly choking for no reason. 

"Yea, I'll get an oolong tea and he'll have a iced coffee. Thank you." 

"You got it, I'll be right back." He turns away, Kei eyeing him carefully. 

"Kei, what the?" 

"That's him. The guy." he whispers, voice raspy from the earlier choking. 

"Oh dang, he is hot." He states, leaning back. 

Kei crosses his arms and feels blush creep up his body, he acknowledges that this behavior isn't much like him. 

"Here you guys go," Tadashi returns with their drinks and places a hand on his hip "Did you get a chance to look at the menu?" 

"Could we get minute?" Hinata asks, smiling up at the man. 

"Sure thing! I'll be back." Tadashi sticks his tongue out, much like the photo on his Grindr. 

Kei watches him do so, his eyes stare at the silver ball on his tongue, he squeezes his thighs together and clutches onto the edge of the pleather booth seat. 

"Oh my god Shoyo." He mutters, a chill running over his body. 

"Go to the restroom and calm down, I know what you want, omrice and a slice of strawberry shortcake. Now go." He shoos him away and looks at the menu for himself. 

Kei rushes to single stall restroom and goes straight to the sink. He splashes cold water in his face. He looks at himself in the mirror and whips off his glasses. He never acts like this. Never. Kei rubs his eyes and leans on the sink. 

"Come on Kei. You need to get in control." he wipes his hands on his sweater and takes a deep, calming breath. 

He puts his glasses back on and stands there, thinking about this all. 

'Tadashi is going to be the death of me.' He thinks simply, leaving the restroom. 

He makes his way back to the booth and sits down, visibly calmer. 

"You better?" 

"Yes. Much." 

"Good, I've already ordered, so just sit back and relax." 

"Thank you Shoyo." 

"You're welcome."

They sit there in a comfortable silence, both drinking their respective beverages. Until Hinata has to ask. 

"How does this work exactly? Like are you just gonna show up at your parents house?" 

"We're going to a bar tonight to discuss everything." Kei replies, stirring his ice. 

"Well, all I can say is good luck." 

Kei chuckles "I need all the luck I can get. That man is dangerous." 

Hinata nods in agreement, stretching out his limbs. He sighs and yawns. 

"Are you tired?" 

"Kinda, don't worry about me though. I just got up early today." 

"I'll get you a coffee. Don't want you falling asleep on me. I think you'd be more annoying that way." 

Hinata frowns and rolls his eyes. "Thanks you prick." 

"No problem shrimp."

Their food comes quick enough, and with another wink from Tadashi. They eat as Hinata tells his tales of his apparently very eventful weekend. Kei interjects here and there, making Hinata laugh. 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Hinata drops Kei off a shopping center because he one, swore it was fine, and two said he shopping to get done. 

"See you soon Shoyo." 

"You too Kei." 

Kei pops in his ear buds and begins his trek into the market. He checks the time, noticing it's about 1, he decides not to think about how long they were in that diner for. 

When he finishes up his shopping, it's about 2:30. He starts his walk home, he tries with all his might to get his mind off his impending doom. He gets home at three and puts away everything. 

Kei collapses on his couch, tired and mentally strained from trying to control his arousal at the diner and the walk home. He curls into a ball and feels his eyes grow heavy. 

He once again dreams about that damn tongue piercing and it trailing over his body. He wakes up, hot and panting, his skin tingles, making him shiver. Kei quickly checks his phone, groaning when he sees it's 5:23. He goes to his restroom and once again splashes cold water in his face. He feels blush rush over his body as he realizes his underwear is wet from the fairly erotic dream he had. 

"Oh my fucking god." He mutters, immediately undressing and rushing to his room. He wipes away the mess that is splattered over his crotch, too embarrassed to even find pleasure in this. He cringes at the sight of his boxers and throws them deep into his laundry basket, he'd wash them when he gets home. 

He slowly gets dressed, wearing a plain shirt and ripped jeans. Kei sits on his couch, contemplating how exactly he's going to get through this discussion. He takes off his glasses and sets his head in his hands. 

Kei makes his way out of his apartment and into his car. Soon enough, and seemingly without his knowledge, Kei gets to the diner, he sits in his car, leaning forward and groaning. He's early, not much of a surprise to him, he likes to be early. It's 5:45, so he figures he'd get some coffee, maybe an iced coffee, to calm him down. 

He walks into the diner, he notices that is just Tadashi standing by the entrance, considering the fact it was nearly empty, this seemed normal. 

"Oh, what a surprise. Tsukki came to pick me up." He says, jokingly fanning himself. 

"Shut up. Can you get me a water? I'm going to wait for you." 

"Sure thing, sit anywhere you want." He winks, making Kei's already present blush grow deeper. 

"Thanks." He sits down at a table, be puts one leg over the other and sets his chin in his hand. 

"Here you go." Tadashi says, setting down a to go cup of water, sitting down across from him. 

"Don't you have a job to do?" He asks, not meeting the mans eyes. 

"Nah, we're just shutting down right about now. I finished up my part of the job." 

A silence falls over the two and Tadashi just stares at the man in front of him, intently and charmingly. 

"Do you wanna get outta here Tsukki?" 

"Sure." 

"Then lead me away!" he jokes, taking Kei's hand. 

"I'm checkin' out Daichi!" Tadashi shouts, not waiting for a reply. 

Kei stares at the hand holding his, and then looks at the man who is standing there. 

"You know you're really cute Tsukki." 

Kei bites his lip, and smiles, while small and almost not there, he smiles. 

"Uh, thanks." 

They get into his car and Kei looks over to him. "I uh, I think you're pretty hot." he mumbles. 

Tadashi smiles, and for once, has blush dusted over his cheeks. Kei starts driving to the bar, trying his damn best not to meet the mans staring eyes. 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Inside the bar, Kei is already about two beers deep, hoping the alcohol would ease his nerves (it does). Tadashi resigns himself to being the designated driver. 

"So, I'm thinking that the story is that we've been together for a few months, we met at a volleyball game. Because I personally love volleyball." Kei says, the few beers already affecting him. 

"You do?!" Tadashi asks, smiling. 

"Yea, I used to play in high school." Kei clicks his tongue. 

"Wow, me too. I was a pinch server." He says, hoping it'd impress Kei. 

"Nice, I was a middle blocker." He leans towards Tadashi. 

"Were you good?" 

"I was okay. The others on my team were much better." 

"I don't believe that." 

"Whattya mean?" 

"I just think you're the typa person to underestimate themselves. Call it intuition." 

Kei stares at him, awed by the accuracy.

"Did I get it right?" 

Kei clutches his beer with both hands and looks down at it. "My coach used to tell me that all the time." 

"Sorry for hitting a nerve Tsukki." 

"No, you didn't. It's fine. You just made me nostalgic." He smiles, looking back up utterly charmed by the way Tadashi's eyes look the low bar lighting. 

"I'm glad, I really wouldn't want to piss you off."

"Why's that?" He throws back the rest of his beer. 

"I like you. Even if we aren't actually dating, I think you'd be a great friend." 

"You make a good point. After all this, I'd like to stay friends." Kei agrees. 

"So, should we play 21 questions?" Tadashi asks, smirking. 

"I think we should." 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

After two weeks of non-stop text exchanges, calls and face times, the day finally was here. Kei wears a colorful button up and black slacks. As he sits down, a knock resounds through his house. 

He opens the door to see Tadashi standing there, wearing a tank top to show off his full sleeves and very ripped jeans. 

"You look good Tsukki." 

"Thank you. You, uh, look nice too." 

"Thanks." He winks and pulls Kei out of his home. 

"Let's go Tsukki." Tadashi pulls him into his side. 

"Please, I've told you before, you need to start calling me Kei, especially in front of my parents." 

"You got it Kei." 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Tadashi drives there, being given the address from Kei. During the drive Tadashi takes Kei's hand in his and holds it tightly. He has been told about the blatant homophobic from Kei's family, Tsukishima explained that everyone besides Akiteru was close minded and mean. Akiteru didn't come to many family functions according to Kei. 

Tadashi opens the door for Kei and he gets out, thanking him for it. They lace their fingers together and start the nerve wracking walk to the front door. Kei opens the door, looking down at the Tadashi, giving him a nervous smile. 

Akiteru, despite his disdain for his family, is the first one to greet him. 

"Kei!" he shouts out, hugging his brother. 

He separates from him and looks at the shorter boy standing next to him. 

"Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Yamaguchi Tadashi." he bows. 

Akiteru nods and smiles "I'm Akiteru Tsukishima, you as well." 

An air of silence wafts in, making all three men need something to be said. 

"Kei, is this your boyfriend?" 

Kei nods, holding Tadashi's hand once more. 

"Congrats lil' bro. I'm happy you're happy." He ruffles Kei's tamed hair. 

"Thanks Akiteru." 

Tadashi gives Kei a thumbs up and pulls him into his side. They three walk into the dinning room, all preparing for the worst. In stark contrast to the wat his brother greeted him, his family was silent and had icy stares. 

They sit down and give thanks for the meal. Everyone seems to be staring at Tadashi, the tattoos he had, which they were all suspect of, fearing the worse. 

"So what do you do for a living?" Kei's dad asks, his grandparents and mother all too interested. 

"I uh, I work as a waiter and I work tech support at night." 

They all nod and Kei puts his hand on Tadashi's knee, trying to calm him down. He looks over to Kei and smiles, grateful for his grounding presence. 

"How did you guys meet?" Akiteru asks excitedly. 

"We met at a volleyball match, we were sitting next to each other and we started talking about stats and strategies. Tadashi was very charming." Kei smiles, while lying, he felt the sentiment hit him. 

Akiteru claps quietly. 

"I can't do this." 

The room is quiet. 

"I can't pretend like this is okay.' 

"Dad don't." Akiteru pleads. 

"I refuse to accept that my son is a fag. I also refuse to accept that he would even date someone like you." He says pointedly. 

Kei's family nods in agreement, making him annoyed, the murmuring and hushed talking amongst them makes his skin crawl. He expected this, he knew this would happen. That's what he brought Tadashi here for. But it still angers him, it makes him sad and it makes him want to cry. He wishes they would shut up. 

"Don't say things like that." Tadashi says softly. 

Kei whips his head around. "Tadashi?" 

"Kei is great, sweet and beautiful, whether or not you accept him doesn't matter to me. It won't change the way I feel about him. I'm sorry but we're leaving." 

Kei yelps as Tadashi's drags him out of his chair. They put on their shoes quickly, the shorter still tugging him along. Tadashi stops under a street lamp and hugs Kei close. 

"I'm sorry. You looked upset Tsukki."

"I'm fine, I promise, I didn't expect to react like that. And don't be sorry, I planned this. I thought they'd finally leave me alone after this." 

"Safe to say it worked?" 

Kei nods, "Yea I think it did." 

"Can I tell you something Tsukki?" 

"Yea what's up?"

"I meant everything I said." 

Tadashi pulls Kei down into a kiss. He grasps onto the side of his face, kissing him passionately. Tsukishima finally kisses back, equally as fierce. Tadashi steps back and snuggles his head to Kei's chest. 

"I think I love you." Tadashi mumbles. 

"I love you too." Kei cards his fingers through Tadashi's hair, rubbing the close shaved bits. 

"Keep your money Tsukki. I don't need it. I have you, don't need it." Tadashi says, just remembering the payment agreement. 

Kei nods before Tadashi drags him back to his car. "You wanna come back to mine?" 

Kei smiles, blush covering his face when he realizes the connotation. "I'd like that."


End file.
